Creating Purpose Through GOAL SETTING

Imagine going on a road trip without a map or GPS to guide you to your desired destination.  You would get lost and it would take you much longer to arrive to where you wanted to go (and probably several useless detours, and money wasted on extra gas).  Living life without goals is pretty much the same thing.  People who are not setting goals are living life without a GPS system.  When you set a clear measurable goal, you will create a vision for your life, purpose for your actions, and you will undoubtedly arrive at your desired destination.

There was an eye-popping study from Harvard that looked at the impact of writing down goals (from the book, What They Don't Teach You in the Harvard Business School, by Mark McCormack).  Researchers followed Harvard MBA graduates 10 years after they graduated, and what they found was remarkable.

The study was simple, upon completing their degree, each graduate was asked this question:

"Have you set clear, written goals with your future and made plans to accomplish them?"

At the beginning of the study, the researchers found:

• 84% had no specific goals at all
• 13% had goals but they were not committed to paper
• 3% had clear, written goals and plans to accomplish them

10 years later they interviewed these graduates again, and the results were staggering:

• The 13% of the students who had goals were earning on average twice as much as the 84% who did not set goals.
•  The 3% who had clear, written goals were earning, 10 times as much as the other 97% put together.

Wow, right?!  Let's put that into perspective... 97% were making on average $50K per year, and 3% (who were writing down goals) were making $500K per year... that makes things pretty obvious.  When you have a clear focus on what you want to accomplish and think about it everyday, the likelihood that you will achieve it significantly increases.  This approach helps you answer this important question each day: Is what I'm doing right now going to help me achieve my goal?  

This is your internal GPS (Goal Performance System)...similar to what you use when you drive, but this one is for your journey in life.  If the actions and habits you consistently perform daily are not helping you reach your goal, than you probably shouldn't spend too much time with those tasks.  We all get side tracked every now and then, but those who write down their goals and focus on achieving them each day, are much more likely to stay on the path to success.

The first time I remember writing down my goals was going into my senior football season in high school.  I wrote down a team goal and a personal goal.  My goal was for our team to go to the state playoffs and that I would earn All-State honors.  I wrote these statements in a note card and taped it above my closet, so I'd look at it everyday before I got dressed.  So guess what happened?  Despite having a new coach, and losing the majority of our starters from the year before, we made it to the State Quarterfinals and I earned multiple All-State honors from several news outlets including the Seattle Times and Tacoma News Tribune.  It's one thing to have a goal, but you really have to believe that you can achieve it that makes it powerful.  I remember visualizing our team playing in the state playoffs, and also seeing my name in the paper on the All-State Team often throughout that season.  I was so pumped when it actually happened. 

I've seen my sales career greatly benefit from writing down my goals.  For the past 2 years (since I changed companies), I have really made this aspect of my business planning a big deal.  Each year, I write down how much money I want to make, what place in the rankings I want to finish, and how many customer orders I want to receive (monthly and for the year).  This formula has put me up on stage at our last two National Sales Meetings including a Rookie of the Year Award in 2014  and a Top Performer Award in 2015.  I've made more income than I've ever made in my life and I truly feel like my lens and perspective on what I need to accomplish each day is more clear then ever.

We can apply goal setting in our lives in more areas than just work or athletics...our marriage/relationships, parenting, our friendships, volunteering, and our hobbies all could benefit from writing down goals and looking at them each day.  So my challenge for you today during this 30 Days of Gratitude and Service is to write down 3 goals:

• Monthly goal
• Year goal
• A long term goal (at least 3-10 years out)

Write it down somewhere that you can look at it everyday.  This vision and road map will give you the direction and focus you need to be the best version of yourself and accomplish your dreams.  Good luck...I know you can do it!!!

TIP: Use this SMART format when writing down your goals.  Check back in for my next post on the power that belief and visualization has on making your goals a reality! 

POSITIVE THINKING

I love the parable about the two wolves constantly fighting in our mind.  One wolf is fear, anger, resentment, and self-doubt.  The other wolf is love, grace, optimism, and hope. It's not the wolf who is stronger or more powerful that wins, it's the one you feed the most.  The more you give into your negative thoughts, the stronger they become.  What I've experienced in my life is that one small negative thought turns into a big unstoppable force that holds us back from reaching our true potential. However, one positive thought has the power to change everything and grow into an unstoppable force of good.

Often times how we view a situation or even ourselves comes from our perception.  Depending on your self-talk, your perception can be accurate or way off.  I used to be unreasonably harsh on myself (in sports, academics, and pretty much everything else) and would jump to the wrong conclusions based on past failures or at times when I didn't perform at an unrealistic standard that I had set for myself. I feared future outcomes because I would allow my mind to relive past mistakes and spent my time worrying about people's reaction or opinion of me.

I was at a football camp my junior year of high school and during practice, dropped THREE deep balls in a row. Not only was it frustrating & embarrassing, but it shaped the way I would play football for the next 6 years. Every time I thought about going deep for a pass, that image of dropping that ball would flash in my mind. My fear of failing again (entirely based on a fluke practice, years in the past) was so much deeper than my belief in my abilities. It wasn't until after my college career that I felt confident enough to attempt a deep catch without reservation. This was entirely based on my negative thoughts invading my mind - I had no idea how much these thoughts controlled my mind & my body.

After spending time reading about & practicing positive thinking, I learned that it takes practice, self awareness, and is actually a learned skill. Just like I mentioned earlier that being grateful is a choice, having a positive outlook is also a choice.

Try to avoid these ways of thinking:

• "Black and white thinking" - no shades of gray or believing that you have to be perfect or not at all.  
• Avoid "personalizing" - making assumptions that you are personally to blame for anything that goes wrong and that every move you make will disappoint someone. 
• Avoid "catastrophizing" - this is when you assume the worse possible outcome will happen.

Use these techniques instead:

• Give yourself time to practice positive thinking - Rome wasn't built in a day and these habits take time and effort
• Do activities that make you happy (listen to an uplifting song, talk to a friend, think of a loved one, wear clothes that make you feel good, and my favorite - work out!)
• Surround yourself with positive people
• Set meaningful goals
• Create a "mantra" word that helps you remember to get your mind back on track to positive thoughts.

Identify your automatic negative thoughts and intentionally shift those thoughts to positive ones.  For example: "I have a presentation tomorrow, I'm going to be horrible."  Instead, pull from positive past experiences and times that you were successful.  Hold onto those memories and visualize yourself doing well.  I learned to create a "mantra" word that triggers my brain to refocus and think positively when an automatic negative thought pops into my mind.  It can be an acronym or a phrase you like that motivates you to be your best and helps you remember that "you can do it!"  Below are some examples of mantra words I've used:

• A.C.E. (Attitude, Concentration, Effort)
• Go Deep!
• I.T.M. (I'm The Man!)
• BE GREAT (Believe, Elevate others...Goals, Resilience, Effort, Attitude, Thankful)

Also, try to minimize external influences that stimulate your negativity.  Eliminate negative people, music, television, movies, or things that put you into a negative frame of mind. 

Take a look at this Thought Diagram I created.  Our thought life is made up of 4 quadrants (think back to when you used to play 4-Square at recess).  

The upper half of this diagram represents positive thoughts and the lower half are negative thoughts.  The left half represents the past, while the right side represents the future.  Try to focus your thoughts on the upper half of the diagram.  When you feel an automated negative thought come on, revert to past experiences of success and times of joy to get you out of that rut (a good best practice is to have several on the ready for when negative thoughts attack).  Make sure that you are consistently recognizing what you are grateful for, while expecting good things to come and visualizing success.  These thoughts are found in the upper right quadrant.  We should be spending 20% of our thought life in the upper left and 80% in the upper right section.  If you can practice these thought habits, you'll be well on your way to a better you!

TIP: Look into the book StrengthsFinder 2.0, by Tom Rath. All too often, our natural talents go untapped and we devote more time fixing our shortcomings than developing our strengths.  To help you uncover your talents, this book and online assessment will help you discover your top 5 talents and focus on those gifts to the fullest.  This book might change the way you look at yourself and the world around you.

Happy Friday!  Hope you enjoy your weekend and begin to improve your thoughts to positive ones.  My next post will focus on the power of goal setting.  Talk to you soon!

FEAR

What are you afraid of that is holding you back? What are you avoiding? Let’s face it, we all have fears - they're natural & normal. Even the most successful people in their respective professions feel moments of anxiety and stress. Jerry Rice, the greatest wide receiver of all time, said that he felt fear before every football game. Grammy winner and multi-platinum selling artist, Adele, suffers from stage fright before every single performance. We all have moments of fear; the difference is who has the courage to face it?

For many, fear is debilitating, crippling, and paralyzing.  Depression and anxiety are draining the life out of millions of people each day. If we change our mindset and look at fear and stress from a different perspective, maybe we can learn to control some of our anxieties.

The emotion of fear is a needed response in times of crisis and danger.  The fight or flight switch in our brain keeps us out of trouble when something dangerous comes our way.  We become more alert, our heart beat increases, more oxygen is pumped through our veins, and adrenaline kicks in. These body responses are great if you are trying to avoid being hit by a car, but they can be to our demise when our physical safety IS NOT in danger.  Our mind can be our biggest strength, but also our biggest enemy.  We create moments of crisis in our minds that bring out these fight or flight emotions to avoid embarrassment and failure.  But if we can recognize that fear is often times a fake and a liar, then we can start to overcome these life-sucking thoughts and feelings.   

Fear is darkness.  In order to defeat darkness, we must shed light on our fears.  How do we let light conquer dark?  TELL SOMEONE!  Have the courage to be vulnerable and share with someone your fear.  Trust me, you are not alone.  Every single person on this planet deals with some form of anxiety, fear, and even depression at some point in their life.  No one is perfect.  Stop living your life thinking that you have to be perfect…you don’t.  We all have our own form of baggage.  Do not fear judgement.  Know that you are made uniquely special and that you are loved by more people than you probably even know.

Let me shed light on my darkness, my fear.  6^th grade was the year that I recognized that I had a slight stutter or stammer.  It was something small that I let grow into something big – as if when I became self-aware, I let my mind make it a bigger deal than it was.  Many people might have had no idea that I worried about this, but those in my inner circle noticed.  It got to a point my sophomore year in high school, that I was so afraid of messing up on a word, that I avoided reading out loud in class at all costs.  That same year I had a semester of Speech class, where we were graded on our public speaking.  The night before each speech, I felt like Jesus the night before he was crucified, praying, “God, please take this cup from me,” where he was sweating blood out of his forehead. I would get through my speeches, but it was painful, I’d avoid certain words, and I often times stumbled over myself.  It was embarrassing and I felt ashamed.  I didn’t talk to anyone about it; I just wore that burden and kept it all inside.  I didn’t seek help or let anyone know what I was going through…have you ever been through something similar, where you avoided telling someone you were hurting?

So, most of my adolescent and young adult life my biggest fear was public speaking.  I was comfortable talking to others one on one, but it would be a cold day in hell before I agreed to speak in front of a crowd. It wasn’t until one fateful day at the Denver airport about to fly home from my uncle’s wedding when my parents sat me down (I was 26 at the time), and said, “Collin, we think you could benefit from speech therapy.”  I thought to myself, “Oh my God, is it that bad?”  I felt embarrassed and ashamed…but why?  Isn’t that what parents and other loved ones in our lives are for? I reluctantly enrolled in speech therapy.  It was uncomfortable.  It was humbling.  It was scary.  But it was the best thing I ever did.  After going to speech therapy once a week for 3 months, I had made drastic improvements in my speech, which boosted my confidence and shook down my anxieties, though I wasn't completely done.

They say “Our greatest promise lies within our greatest pain.”  I continued to face my fear and starting going to Toastmasters (a club for people who practice public speaking in a group) weekly and was speaking with greater ease and more confidence each time.  Through a lot of practice and repetition, I became more and more confident and was loving my new found comfort speaking in formal situations. I faced my dragon and felt joy and rest in my soul.

Today, I seek out opportunities to speak in front of large groups.  In my current medical device sales position, I’m also a trainer for the westcoast.  If you would have told me 10 years ago, that I’d be presenting our new sales strategy to the entire sales force at a national sales meeting, I’d say no way!  I’ve accepted the fact that I do not have to be perfect to be effective.  If I mess up, people will not view me as a failure, but as human.  I have learned that the more I avoid speaking situations, the bigger hole I dig for myself and my confidence begins to sink.  However, the more I practice and create opportunities to present, the better I become. 

Remember, our greatest promise lies within our greatest pain…if you do what you fear the most, there is nothing you cannot do.  I find my deepest satisfaction and happiness when I do what I used to fear the most – speaking in public.  I still feel a few nerves and my heart beats fast like it used to before I present, but I’ve learned to speak positive thoughts to myself and not avoid, but ATTACK what I once feared the most.

So let me ask again, what do you fear?  What is holding you back from being the best version of yourself?  My challenge today is that you tell someone what is causing you anxiety and fear.  Shed light on your darkness.  You are not alone.  You have people who love you and are here to help you.  Seek professional help if needed.  TALK TO SOMEONE!  Create a plan to overcome your fear.  Do not sit.  Take action and control of your life, do not let fear control you.

We discussed in earlier posts about the power of gratitude and service.  Facing your fears is the next step to becoming the best version of you.  Check back later this week as I discuss the tools needed to conquer fear – Positive thinking and practicing positive self-talk.  Have a blessed day…in the end, know that you are made perfectly just the way you are and that God loves you!  You can do this!

Seek to SERVE

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last." - Matthew 20:16

In my previous post I discussed the power of gratitude and how having an attitude of gratitude shifts our mindset to focus on the good things we have in our life vs. the bad.  Making gratitude the foundation of building a new you is essential to sustaining happiness and success.  If gratitude is our foundation then SERVICE is the roof that we should live our lives under.

According to Stephen G. Post, professor of preventative medicine at Stony Brook University in New York and author of The Hidden Gifts of Helping, a part of our brain sends out feel good chemicals like dopamine, and possibly serotonin. These chemicals help us feel joy and delight, a "helper's high."  A common reaction is that "some people feel more tranquil, peaceful, serene; others, warmer and more trusting."

Kathy Gottberg, author and writer at SmartLiving365.com adds, "When we volunteer we often give ourselves deeper purpose and meaning and that nearly always leads to greater happiness.  Gottberg lists 7 advantages to serving and helping others:
1. More happiness
2. Reduce stress
3. Relief from pain
4. Longer lifespan
5. Lower blood pressure
6. Reduce mild depression
7. Benefit your career (The Go-Giver, by Bob Berg & John David Mann is worth a read for this category)

Leslie Goldman, contributor to the Huffington Post agrees, "Practicing philanthropy is one of the surest steps you can take toward a happy, healthy life."  When you help a friend move, help jump someone's car, donate to a charity, or serve food at a homeless shelter, the reward center in your brain goes to work and you start to feel good.  In fact, one study found that people who completed five small acts of kindness one day a week (reading to elderly, volunteering at church, or buying someone's lunch) for six weeks experienced a significant boost in overall feelings of well being.  However, research shows there is a threshold of giving needed to reach before it has an impact, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside,  "Those who spread their goodwill over the course of a week showed no such boost."  Lyubomirsky concluded, "Each action has a cumulative effect.  The more nice things you do, the more people will respond positively toward you, and the better you feel."

Do this exercise with me, extend your hand out with your pointer finger pointing outward...like this:

I call this the "G3 Law."  For every one genuine act of kindness, service, and generosity you give, you will be blessed 3 times over.  The pointer finger represents one external act of kindness, while the three fingers pointing back at you represent the abundance of blessings you will receive 3 times greater than your one single act.  

The Bible says, "Your treasure is where your heart is," (Matthew 6:21).  Thus, if your heart isn't in the right place, you won't see the benefits.  Dr. Michael Poulin assistant professor of psychology at the University Buffalo says, "Helping appears to only be good for you if you really care about those you're helping."  Kathy Gottberg's blog SmartLiving365 agrees, "Feeling resentment or obligation will erase the benefits that we might otherwise receive in both our emotions and our physiology.  If you feel exploited in any way, it is better not to take the action than stress yourself out doing something for the wrong person."  

The Bible supports this approach of service, but only if your helping comes from a sincere place.  2 Corinthians 9:6-7 says, "The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.  Each one must give as he has decided on his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God blesses a cheerful giver."  In the end, God knows our heart.  Serve, help, and be generous...your health, happiness, and wealth depends on it!

30 Days of Gratitude and Service Challenge:
Along with writing down what you are thankful for and telling someone why you are thankful for them each day...for the next 30 days:

1. Go above and beyond to serve and help others.  Do at least one random act of kindness to help someone each day.

2. Each One Reach One: Pick one person for the next 30 days that you can pour into, mentor, and serve.  Maybe this is someone in your life that could use some company, a friend, might need financial help, our could benefit from a positive influence in their life.

Quality is better than quantity.  If we all can pour into one individual and help them get to a better place (and they learn the power of service and helping another person)...imagine how much better our community and world will be.

Check out these articles on the power of service.  They are quick and easy reads and the payoff is substantial.  Hope you all have a great week!  Remember...SEEK TO SERVE!

Volunteering: 7 Big Reasons Why Serving Others Serves Us

4 Amazing Health Benefits Of Helping Others

Check back this week as we continue my series, 30 Days of Gratitude and Service.  I'll discuss the role that FEAR plays as a roadblock of becoming the best version of yourself.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude is a powerful process for shifting your energy and bringing more of what you want into your life.  Be grateful for what you already have and you will attract more good things.  –The Secret

Gratitude is closely related to the energy of creation.  When we focus on gratitude, everything positive begins to grow and expand.  –The Gratitude Experiment

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you" that would be enough. -Meister Eckhart

  

It is not happy people who are thankful...it is thankful people who are happy.  If you focus on gratitude, your life will shift.  Many people do not understand that gratitude is not a feeling just created by circumstance, privilege, or luck - being grateful is a CHOICE!  We all go through adversity and times of turbulence, but focusing on all the blessings you have will bring you out of those places faster than feeling bitter, angry, and resentful.    

Joshua Rosenthal from the Huffington Post sums it up well, “Gratitude is the practice of noticing and appreciating the positives in the world – particularly in your own personal world.”  Living with an “attitude of gratitude” has even been linked to better sleep, deeper relationships, less anxiety, and even better health.  Sounds simple, but why don’t we all make this a ritual we perform each day?  We need to be intentional and make gratitude a habit. Building our life on the foundation of gratitude is the ignition that starts our car that will drive us to our destination of true happiness.  Let me say it again, everything starts by giving thanks and relishing in what you have.

Many people believe that they need to achieve success first and then they will find happiness.  Land that job; find that spouse, get that promotion, make that MONEY!  Harvard researchers, including Shawn Anchor, author of The Happiness Advantage, found that this paradigm is actually false.  Through researching thousands of people, Anchor and colleagues found that when happiness and gratitude come first...success arrives much faster and is sustained much longer than the latter.

I've had the privilege to listen to Shawn Anchor live...he's very funny and VERY HAPPY

I've tried to put this mindset into play each day and its been life changing.  Everyday I wake up, even before I open my eyes, I spend 1 to 2 minutes thanking God for all the many blessings I have in my life.  When I wake up and get ready in the morning, I spend time thinking about all the amazing things I have to be thankful for – my family, my health, my job, my house, etc.  I encourage you to try this, and make it one of your daily habits for the next 30 days.  This small practice has transformed my view of the world, and helped me see all the beauty around me - I hope you see the same. 

30 Days of Gratitude and Service daily practice…for the next 30 days, 
do these two things everyday:

1.       Create a “Thankful Journal” and write down what you are thankful for and why (use your notes section in your phone or use a paper journal)

2.       Tell someone how thankful you are for them in person, via phone, text, email, Facebook, etc.

Once you make this a daily habit, you are well on your way to rising to a higher level of satisfaction, excitement for life, and most importantly, happiness.

In everything, give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. - 1 Thessalonians 5:18  

Come back later this week - I'll be diving into service. 

SOLID GROUND

What are you building your life on?  Things, people, status, money, cars, or clothes?  What happens once you’ve received these things?  We have seen this time after time - people reach what they thought was their ultimate goal (the Lottery, Super Bowl, that big promotion, that "special" person, etc.) and come out on the other side feeling emptier than before, and full of all the wrong things to fill their voids. It begs answering the question"Is this it?"

Shawn Anchor, author of The Happiness Advantage, studied this very question, “Does happiness come before success or success before happiness?”  Anchor, a Harvard graduate, researcher, and educator, found that the theory of our emotional and physical wellness being by-products of our productivity and performance is actually a myth.  Advances in positive psychology show that through deeper investigation the opposite is true.  He writes,

“Study after study shows that happiness precedes important outcomes and indicators of thriving.  In short, based on the wealth of data compiled, happiness causes success and achievement, not the opposite.”  

  

To sustain happiness, happiness must precede that big thing, outcome, goal, etc.  So how do we become truly happy?...  

By building our life around JESUS. 

The Bible says your body is a temple…your home.  When constructing a home you have to build on solid ground and that rock-solid terrain is Jesus.  Tacoma’s own Rich Wilkerson, Jr, who later moved to Miami and is now a pastor at the Vous Church, wrote a powerful book on this topic entitled, Sandcastle Kings: Meeting Jesus in a Spiritually Bankrupt World.  He tells the story written in the book of Matthew, when Jesus told the parable of the wise man who built his house on the rock (God).  “The rain came down, the stream rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock (Matthew 7:25).”  But, when the same storm came, the man who built his house on sand saw his home fall with a great crash.

 

Many people build their house on sand (things of this earth).  When rain and storms come, that house will come tumbling down and be destroyed.  The common theory is, if we have more, we will be happier.  However, people, money, prestige, power, even religion won’t keep us happy.   A life built on these things will not stand amongst a storm.  Only Jesus will.  God made you unique and special - just the way you are.  Once you understand that, and truly embrace how you are designed perfectly different from anyone else and fully equipped to handle what may come your way, you can withstand and embrace all storms. 

Building your life around Jesus will bless you immeasurably more than you can imagine. Happiness is rooted from an abundant love and eternal life with Jesus. 

Once we have that established, that He is our rock, our stability, our happiness, we can begin to construct the best version of ourselves.  Every house is built within two things: a foundation and a roof. 

 If we build our foundation on GRATITUDE and live under the roof of SERVICE, we can protect ourselves from storms, deception, temptation, and doubt. WE CAN BUILD TRUE HAPPINESS.

Tomorrow, we will dive into the power of gratitude.   

30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE & SERVICE

30 Days of Gratitude & Service is a 30-day series where we will discover how to add passion &  purpose to your daily life. I truly believe that every day is an opportunity for growth and I want you to learn to be the best version of yourself. My goal is for you to wake up every morning believing and knowing that today is going to exceed every expectation, no matter what is thrown your way.

God laid this project on my heart some time ago, and I have without a doubt been convicted and challenged to my core throughout this process, but I can say with 100% certainty that this is a divine appointment and a word from God. I know that this will change your life and I am truly excited to watch it unfold. I believe in it's ability and HIS ability to change you through this.

Over the next 30 days, we're going to discuss everything from Goal Setting to Mentorship to Love & to Fear. I hope that you break down barriers and make a change, small or big, in your life and in the other lives around you. Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. 

Come back tomorrow to kick things off! Happy Monday! 

TOOLS

Noun

A thing used in an occupation or pursuit.

Verb

Equip or be equipped with tools for industrial production

You may not know this, but we Henderson boys (that goes for my dad and brother) lack a certain trait that most humans with a Y chromosome possess.  Something that is vital for the human species to grow and prosper…a little thing called “man-skills”.  In prehistoric times, man-skills were very important to survive and continue your namesake , but in the 21^st century one can survive just fine by buying new (or calling your neighbor Jeff – God bless that man).  The word Ikea is not in my vocabulary.  For this single reason I married Kendra.  Not because she is the most beautiful woman inside and out, or is an amazing cook, or has a sense of humor that would rival Kevin Hart; the reason I married her is because she is handy with a drill. 

Our first big purchase as a married couple was a brand new 4 burner barbeque.  This baby was amazing!  I couldn’t wait to get my steaks on it (maybe the one man-skill I possess is working the BBQ).  This was a defining moment in our marriage.  The first year is full of discovery and defining of roles.  The inaugural year of marital bliss is where a couple discovers what the term “filling in each other’s gaps” is all about.  Well, putting together a BBQ from scratch is not a gap I was willing to fill (hey a guy sometimes has to draw a line in the sand).  So we problem solved like most loving couples do and compromised, I let her put this beast together while I wrote all the thank you notes for our wedding gifts.  It may have taken us 5 hours, a few shots of whiskey, and a few chosen words, but we got both tasks done.  Oh, and 6 years later that grill still works like a charm (and I swear I have carpel tunnel from writing thank you’s to over 300 guests).  Love you babe!

 Like putting together this BBQ, life is often times all about having the right tools.  Without Kendra’s drill (let me emphasize it’s KENDRA’S drill…that’s definitely not my tool), she could never have assembled our BBQ grill so efficiently.  While navigating and making sense of life, we need tools just the same.  Surgeons, architects, carpenters, and plumbers are only as good as their tools.  The same can be said for building a life filled with meaningful relationships, success, happiness, and purpose.  The tools we use are not like a scalpel, ruler, hammer, or drill; but how we think, dream, learn, talk to ourselves, the habits we form, and eventually choose to act each day are the tools we use.  Some can access these tools much easier than others.  Some were naturally born to possess the skills necessary manage these tools.  Others it takes many years, not until they are beyond middle age to fully utilize these skills.

 Just like learning any new skill, it takes time.  I’ve often times dreamt of being able to strum a guitar like Eric Clapton, but it took him years of studying, practicing and performing to be one of the greatest guitarists of all-time.  I haven’t put in the time, thus the only thing I can play is one chord of Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty #ladykiller.  If you want real change and to see a transformation in how you see yourself, others, and your realization of your dreams, you need to put in the time and effort.

Check back in for my next post, as I lay out a 30 day plan that will encourage and inspire you to find something inside you that you didn’t even know existed.  These are the tools that I have studied, practiced, and applied for the last 2 years, which have fostered a joy and peace that I have been searching for my entire life.  The core pieces of this philosophy revolve around two things: 1. recognizing all the things we have been given and making the choice to be thankful everyday, and 2. Making it our mission to serve and love others every single day. 

 Hence, Project Rise –  30 Days of Gratitude and Service was born.

 I’ll lay out a step by step daily process that covers a variety of levels we must tackle and climb, to ultimately reach the top.  

Happy Valentine's Day weekend! Kendra says skip the red roses and opt for something out of the ordinary, like hydrangeas, ranunculus or a big bouquet of mixed flowers! And Starbucks. Always Starbucks. 

Everything CHANGED

I have always been a spiritual person.  As a family growing up, we went to church most Sundays…barring an athletic game here or there.  From day one, I was brought up in a Christian family going to People’s Christian Church (now called Champion’s Centre) in Tacoma and later All-Saint’s Catholic Church in Puyallup.  I always have had a personal relationship with Jesus, but still felt a void I couldn't explain. I always seeked out God through prayer and being in his house, yet I didn't feel at home. 

That all changed in 2007, when I moved back to Puyallup for a job in pharmaceutical sales.  I ran into one of my high school football teammates who was working at a church in town called Puyallup Foursquare.  He told me to come and check it out.  After going for a few weeks and listening to the pastor, Roger Archer (a former college athlete and a far cry from the traditional pastor that we all expect), I felt something different. He used pop culture references, sports analogies, and made church a place that I could relate to, a place that I craved.  I started volunteering and joining small groups and really saw my "void" begin to close.

For the first time in my life I felt spiritually right.  I was reading my Bible, praying more than ever, and making amazing friends within my church. BUT, I still had yet to conquer my inner battles of self-doubt and insecurities. My job at the time was slowly killing my spirit - I had hit my lowest point in my career (despite being a step up in the company). It was the wrong fit for me,  I wasn’t sleeping at night and my physical wellness suffered in turn. I was on blood pressure medicine to manage the stress I was enduring. I reached a breaking point, where I knew I needed to get out.  I needed to jump.  God's timing is all-knowing and perfect - he threw me a lifeline…in the form of a book that changed my life.  My manager gifted me a book to start the new year - Positive Intelligence, by Shirzad Chamine. 

We all suffer with bouts of self-doubt and occasional negative thinking.  There is always two sides in our brain duking it out fighting over “yes I can’ or “no I can’t” and I unfortunately was often times on the losing end of this internal war whether in my athletic or professional career.  This book by Chamine helped me identify that we all have mental saboteurs in our brain and if we can identify that this internal judge is a liar, a fraud, and a fake, we can stay focused on positive thoughts and keep our minds honed in on the task at hand and concentrate on our strengths.

This book single handedly give me the confidence and the tools to nail my interview with a fortune 500 medical device company, and jumpstarted a 2 year period of enlightenment and self-discovery.  Upon joining this company I was assigned a trainer and mentor named Frankie Pretzel (is that not the coolest name you ever heard?).  Frankie was a seasoned veteran who had won multiple awards and was very successful.  Sometimes I feel God puts people in our lives at the exact right place and time.  Frankie was an optimist.  He knew the power of positive thinking and the affect it has on our lives.  He explained to me a concept I had never been exposed to: the Law of Attraction.  Basically, the Law of Attraction is a concept that is summed up as simple as this: thoughts become things.  Meaning what we think about the most and visualize for ourself is usually manifested somehow someway whether negative or positive.  Frankie gave me a long list of books to read and over the course of one year I couldn’t get enough. I craved these ideas, and the change was revitalizing.

This fresh start and exposure to new ideas, thoughts, and concepts that all dealt with faith, generosity, gratitude, self-belief, and visualization helped me create momentum on what I was searching for while I was on that memorable morning run in Los Angeles with my dad when I was lost at 24.  For one year, I read and listened to more books than I probably have in my entire life.  With each book, my confidence, self-acceptance, and vision of what I needed to do to feel happy and have success was more clear.  During this time of discovery I had finally found my professional lane and was flourishing at work and loving every minute of it.  I'm pumped to share with you what I've learned along the way - I know it will change your life like it has mine.

Below are some of the favorite books that I read.  I encourage you to be a lifelong learner and seek knowledge and wisdom from books.  There is a whole new world full of enlightenment and discovery.  What are you doing to better yourself?  I challenge you to read a book or download an audiobook to your phone (listen to it in your car or while working out).  Investing in your development and knowledge is the best investment you can make!

·         Positive Intelligence, by Shirzad Chamine

·         Love Does, by Bob Goff

·         David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, by Malcolm Gladwell

·         The Go-Giver, by Bob Burg and John David Mann

·         The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne

·         Jesus Is___, by Judah Smith

Are you stuck in a rut?  Sometimes a change of scenery can do you wonders.  Have the courage to step outside your comfort zone and create a fresh start for yourself.  Whether you are where you need to be, but want to improve.  Or you feel like you are running in sand and just churning your wheels, I hope that these books may inspire you to make the change in yourself you’ve always wanted.

LEGACY

noun

a thing handed down by a predecessor.

synonyms: consequences, effect, repercussion, aftermath, product, result

As a husband and father of 3, I sometimes catch myself thinking about these things: What have I done during my time on this earth?  Have I done enough? Am I doing enough?  If I died today, who would show up at my funeral?  What would they say about me?  How many people have I inspired, helped, mentored, loved?  What am I doing with these finite days that God has predestined for me?  These questions have drawn me to this place. 

I have had a transfomation recently…an awakening you might say.  To people on the outside, they would have never known, but just like an iceberg, what you see on top is not always what is going on underneath.  For the past two years I have seen a rapid RISE in my understanding of what life is all about.  Before I get into detail about the events that lead me to this peace and clarity, let me share where I started.  I’ve been advised by my blogging expert wife to keep my posts limited to a few paragraphs each time or I’ll lose the reader, but just stick with me here, I need to unpack a few things to set the stage of why I’ve created this blog.  Sorry babe, I’m breaking your first rule of blogging.  I’ll vacuum your car this weekend to make it up…I promise ;)  So, here goes….

My entire life I’ve been a pleaser and on the sensitive side.  Growing up the youngest of two boys, to amazing parents who loved us very much, we had high expectations in our house. I was blessed to have natural athletic ablility and being held back before 1^st grade gave me a clear advantage scholastically as well.  Being the oldest in my class and often times the best athlete, I created lofty standards for myself and I was often times my toughest critic.  As I progessed each year, I felt the expectations from my parents, people around me, and myself grow and grow.  This isn’t much different for a lot of adolescent kids, but I became very affected by what people thought of me…or my perception of what people thought of me.  I would beat myself up if I wasn’t perfect – socially, in the classroom, and with athletics. 

Instead of enjoying the moment, I was trying to live up to unreal expectations, and I would create my self-worth on whether I was the best or not.  I created this lie in my head that all eyes were on me and I wasn’t allowed to fail, mess-up, or be human.  However, on the outside I looked confident, up-beat, and it seemed I had everything going for me.  My senior year in high school, I was Homecoming King and was voted Dream Date and Most Athletic (I really was hoping for Best Dancer – damn you Joel Lindberg!).  I had accepted a scholarship to Washington State University to play football and baseball.  You would think I would have been on cloud nine, but really, I felt lost.  I had self-doubt that I wasn’t good enough and I was exhausted trying to please everyone, while giving myself no margin for error.  I feared failure, more than I enjoyed success.  I didn’t have the wisdom to say to myself, “Haters gonna hate…just do your thing boo-boo!”

On top of that I was getting burned out from all the select baseball I was playing.  I have two distinct memories that defined how I felt at that time in my life.  The first came late in my senior year.  I remember my neighbor and one of my favorite teachers (and a fellow Coug), Mrs. Chipps, say to me, “Aren’t you just so excited to be finishing up high school and going to college?  This is the best time of your life!”  I remember later thinking, gosh is this really the best time of my life?...I hear people say that all the time, but I just don’t feel it.

The other memory was later that summer, while at one of many baseball tournaments, I was having lunch with my mom at the University Inn in Moscow, Idaho.  I had some down time before my next game and while we were talking I opened up, which I usually never let myself be vulnerable and do, but this time I felt brave enough to confess, “Mom, I really don’t get excited anymore.”  She said, “What?, What do you mean?”  I added, “I just don’t get excited about doing stuff like I used to when I was younger.”  She did what she always did, which was love me and shared some amazing motherly advice, but it fell on deaf ears.

One of my favorite artist, John Mayer’s song Something’s Missing accurately summed up how I was feeling:  Something's missing/And I don't know how to fix it.

So fast forward 5 years to the end of my ride as a student-athlete at Washington State University.  I had a pretty good run.  I was a solid contributor on the football team that went to back-to-back bowl games for the first time in school history, one of which was a Rose Bowl (we will get back there under Coach Leach…I believe it!).  After taking two years off from baseball, I joined the team my redshirt sophomore year and was later selected as a team caption my final year, which we finished with our best record in 10 years.  I was flourishing in the classroom as well, being named to the Pac-10 All-Academic First Team list multiple times, as well as earning Academic All-American honors my senior year in baseball.  I made amazing friendships, saw the country, was a part of unforgettable experiences, but like every senior who graduates college, the next question of what lies ahead, is the most challenging one…what do I do next with my life?

You see, up until that point in my life, every hour of every day was most likely planned out by someone other than myself: my parents, coaches, academic counselors, strength and conditioning coaches, educators, etc.  All that was over.  So now what? 

It was fall of 2004, and I was finishing up my last year of graduate school.  The Cougs were playing UCLA in Pasadena and I was down there working for the WSU Athletic Foundation.  My dad came along with me on my trip to cheer our team on to victory (we did get the “W” by the way).  During this 3 day weekend, we were out for a run together and I had feelings like I was right back where I was when I was finishing up high school – lost, unsure of myself and uncertain of my future.  I had aspirations of being an athletic director someday at a college or university (or that’s what I told myself, along with several other people in my circle).  This job was my first step toward that goal, but I really deep down inside had no idea what I wanted to do. 

On top of that, I had just broken up with my girlfriend and was really going through a rough patch.  No more being a part of an athletic team.  No more someone setting my schedule for me; no more people guiding my every step; no more people telling me how awesome I was (first world problems); and I was dealing with a breakup, which for us sensitive people is tough stuff (so sue me if I cry over a good movie…or commercial).  So feeling these emotions of uncertainty and insecurity, I sought out advice from my dad during this fateful run.  I asked “Dad, at what point in your life did it all make sense?  How old were you when you finally got it?  He paused for a moment and said, “35.”  I continued to run pondering that statement. I had an entire decade in front of me.

Maybe my dad was blessed by the prophetic word of God, or maybe he had just stayed at a Holiday Inn Express the night before, but that age always kind of stuck in the back of my mind as a huge momentous year in my life to look forward to.  So here I am right now at age 36 and I must say that he was exactly right.  Or maybe it was just a secret that I didn’t know about at the time that what you think about the most and believe to be true no matter if its reality or not, is manifested by your own mind, by God, or a combination of both.  At age 34, one year after the age Jesus died (another year that I marked as a defining year in one’s life), was the year the light bulb went off for me.     

These are some questions I want you to ponder…what is your legacy?  Who is going to show up at your funeral?  What are they going to say about you when it’s all said and done?  Did you give or did you take?  Did you fully love God, yourself, and others.  Are you maximizing each second you have each day?  Tomorrow is never guaranteed…so what are you doing today?  Follow me for the next 30 days.  Let my stories and words encourage you to be the best version of yourself.  Sometimes in life you need to just take a leap of faith and jump.  In this journey of life, sometimes you just need someone to take that leap of faith with you.  Watch this inspiring message from my main man Steve Harvey.  Let’s jump together.

MUSIC

Music is a powerful tool to get your thoughts in the right frame of mind.  Pete Carroll knows the power of music and how it can set the tone and vibe for his team during practice.  Starting back at USC and now with the Seattle Seahawks, if you go to his practice you can hear the latest jam  in hip/hop blaring from multiple speakers all around the practice facility.  Athletes of all ages and sports know the power that music plays to get them in their routine and to focus before competition.  My official (unofficial) statistic shows that 90% of professional athletes utilize some form of music as part of their preparation – in the car or on the bus driving to the field or gym, and in the locker room getting ready to compete.

Music helps with several key factors that improve performance (I’m not just talking about sports, but to win each day in life).  If the best athletes in the world know the power that music plays in preparation, why can’t we apply this approach outside of athletics?  Before you go to work or start each day, designate some time to play music that uplifts you, gets you pumped up, and feeling good (while you are getting ready in the morning, eating breakfast, or driving to work or school).  You can make a playlist (Spotify, Apple Music, or Tidal) or use Pandora and set the channel to songs that you love.  Here is why this a productive strategy to start the day:

1.       You are being intentional at setting at least 3 minutes to yourself to prepare for the day

2.       Use this time to reflect on 

a.        Things that you are thankful for

b.      What tasks you need to accomplish that day

3.     Use the beat and the sound of the music to feel good inside.  Maybe nod your head or clap your hands.  When you start thinking good thoughts and getting excited for the day, your brain starts secreting endorphins throughout your body.  Music helps turn the channel in our brains to a positive one and we can carry out that frequency for the rest of the day.

Seriously - try this.  Play this song and start to feel good and excited for what’s to come for you. Dance, sing or just vibe to the beat. I promise, you won't be able to help but feel good. 

Because like in the song, together through Project Rise………..
I know, we can get higher
There's levels to your love
And I keep on climbing up!