POWERFUL PARADOX

When I looked up the word "paradox" I found several definitions.  This is the one I liked the best:

par-a-dox
noun

A seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded and true.

When I speak to student-athletes, I tell them that they are in a state of paradox in their life...they are young, thus they have many many years left to live.  However, their athletic careers are near the end...maybe 3 more seasons, 2 more months, or maybe even 1 more game and it's all over.  See the paradox there?...Two opposite forces colliding together at one point in time.  I stress the importance of SEIZING THE MOMENT, to not waste a single day or even a single play!  The pain of regret hurts more than the pain of effort and hard work.

But that is not the point of this message.  I do believe that life is short and we need to take action and give it all we got, but that was never MY problem.  I've never had an effort problem.  I was always the first to show up and the last to leave.  One time my junior year playing football at WSU, Coach Mike Price told me to quit running extra routes after practice because I was looking slower at practice and film.  The reason I was taking extra reps was because I wasn't getting the rock...my catches were down from the previous 2 seasons and working extra hard was my only way to cope with the frustration and disappointment of my lack of production...unfortunately it was wearing my body down and my effort was counterproductive.

So if effort wasn't my problem...then was is attitude?  No, definitely not attitude.  I've always been an up beat positive guy, full of energy and enthusiasm.  I was usually a leader and a team captain in any sport I played.  So what was my problem?  Here it is:

I cared too much of what people thought of me.

I've always been a pleaser by nature and cared about my image, which up until this point of my life it has come to my detriment.  I was confident in many settings, but was really insecure about always having a perfect image, not upsetting anyone, not showing my flaws, basically I was a robot - programmed to win and look good while doing it.

This approach brought results, but at what cost?  I was always really good, but not the best...largely because my mind was filled with judging thoughts of my every move.  I'd be envisioning what people in the crowd were thinking, my parents, my peers, my teammates, my coaches, my manager, co-workers, basically EVERYONE!  I always had achievement, but the psychological warfare I put on myself always took its toll.

If I had a presentation for work and did a great job, but messed up on one spot, I'd obsess over that one hiccup and ponder, "They had to have seen me screw up there.  They probably think I'm not as talented as they may have once thought."  I think back now at how absurd that thinking was, but that was my reality.  I'd even avoid many situations in sports and professionally because I was afraid of failure and the feelings and embarrassment of that let down.  I was the definition of a "fixed mindset"...avoiding failure and needing constant validation.

I've come a long way since then.  Through several years of studying successful people...reading about them, their strategies, their stories; listening to podcasts, audio books, and videos on YouTube; and applying many of these approaches and reflecting on my life.  I think I'm on to something and I'd like to share it with you.  This powerful paradox that if understood, utilized, and practiced, will change your life, the way it has changed mine (I'm still a work in progress by the way...striving to have a "growth mindset").  If you can master and trust this phrase, I see big things in your horizon:

CARE / DON'T CARE

What if you combined the swag and not giving a sh%# of Kanye with the caring and compassion of Mother Teresa (celebrity name T. Yeezy)?  OMG, you might have enough power and force to destroy planets like the Death Star.

STEP #1, CARE
Here's the thing, you NEED TO CARE about yourself, your craft, your effort/attitude, and final product - check (where's that check emoticon when you need it?).  YOU NEED TO CARE about the people around you, your team, organization, the amount of time you put in your preparation - check.  YOU NEED TO CARE and have passion in whatever it is you do and take pride in your preparation, habits, and discipline - check.  CARE, love, be generous, and serve others.  Yes, this I know is true.  All of that is step # 1, YOU NEED TO CARE.  You CARE by having an INTERNAL INVESTMENT with EXTERNAL EXECUTION.  However, you MUST and I mean MUST, have step #2.

STEP #2, DON'T CARE
In order to go places where no man's gone before, you basically can't give a flying F&%# about what others think about you...its that simple.  You should care about what your friends and family think about your core values, integrity, and character, but any and all things other than that...SCREW 'EM!

I've been taking a deep dive into sales trainer extraordinaire, Grant Cardone, who has written multiple NY Times best selling books, including the 10x Rule and most recently, Be Obsessed or Be Average.  Cardone shares his 4 Steps to Success of what you must get and need in the 10x Rule:

1. Attention
2. Criticism
3. Haters
4. Admiration

I was always all in on number 1 and 4, but 2 and 3?  I was too soft and sensitive.  But, now I'm working on my blinders...staying laser focus on just doing me...not worrying for one second what others think.  Listen, HATERS ARE GOOD!  It means you are either doing something different or unique, or you are CRUSHING IT...these people are trying to pull you down because of their lack of accomplishment.  They want to bring you down to their level!  Forget about it!  CRITICISM is also good, it means you have an audience and people are watching.  Unfortunately, social media apps like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, provide people a forum to showcase their HaterAid.  Do what Jay-Z preaches and "Go ahead brush your shoulders off!"

Often times, its the people who are hurting that say hurtful things...don't pay them no mind.

Come on, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift have the most adoring fans in the world...they both are also ridiculously rich.  But guess what else they have...a legion of HATERS and criticizers.  The Biebs has the most unliked video in the history of YouTube for his jam "Baby."  Multimillionaire Mr. Cardone shared his 4 Steps to Success.  They are good, yes, but here are mine 5 Keys to help you get off of CARE about EVERYTHING train, and get on the CARE/DON'T CARE Express to being the best version of you...

5 Keys to Care // Don't Care:

1. Have the courage to JUST BE YOU!  Remember, everyone else is taken.

2. Know your CORE VALUES...write them down, live them daily, and do not comprise them for anybody.

3. DO WHAT YOU LOVE!  If you are doing what you are passionate about, really what else matters?

4. Know that OPINIONS ARE NOT FACTS...they're just someone's opinion!

5. Understand that YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE...if you try to please everyone else, you will please no one...including yourself!

Please take my advice to CARE/DON'T CARE.  That approach works 99% of the time when attracting a date (why do they like you more when you seem not interested?).  Try it in life and watch this paradox bring you passion, performance, and prosperity (I love alliteration!).

No one boos the backup.  Thanks Mike Ike for the share.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR EMOTION

Have you ever had to make a big decision and were stressing on what to do?  Have you felt stuck in a rut, down, or depressed...just searching desperately for a breakthrough? (Damn it...you've binged through all the current episodes of Game of Thrones!)  Have you found yourself searching for clarity, the next step in your life, or just looking for purpose?

Need a lift? Try this.

Let me share a strategy that is tested through scientific research and has been backed by many successful people as well as sought after life coaches.  I can speak from my own experience, this approach has drawn me to laughter, deep thought, and often times tears (all at the same time), because I've been so profoundly moved by a kinetic force that I cannot explain.  This strategy is so simple, everyone has already done it - in some form or fashion - but I'm going to teach you how to be intentional and use it as a weapon to provide the clarity and purpose you've been searching for.  If done consistently, it will be a daily habit that will be a game changer for you.  It's this simple:

Combine MOTION with MUSIC and you will create a state that attracts omens, ideas, and feelings that drive you to take ACTION to become the best version of you!  

  
Studies of bodily movement and health show that exercise is good and that sitting is bad.  Research also shows that the brain can take cues from body movements to understand and solve complex problems.  There is a magical SYNERGY that is created when you align your mind, body, and spirit.  In my opinion, the best way to blend all three is when you are moving to music alone away from the clutter and noise from the outside world.  This approach will awaken a homing beacon for ideas, peace, and a clarity inside of you like nothing else!  I'll explain why the two are uniquely important and how each are needed for maximum effect.

MOTION
If you want to change your emotion, you need MOTION.  You need to MOVE!  If you want satisfaction, you need to take ACTION.  You can't spell improvement without MOVEMENT!  Think about times in your life where you took massive action...this focus and drive was generated by being in a specific state or mindset.  Some external force whether it was failure, embarrassment, fear, a personal challenge, or maybe encouragement from a parent or coach caused you to go to that place.  You can use this knowledge to get yourself into this state or in the "zone" simply by getting physical with your body...go on a walk, run, lift weights, do push-ups, sit-ups, stretch, do yoga...just something with movement.

Exercise has both a physiological and developmental impact on the brain. Studies show that movement and exercise supports concentration, memory, and a positive outlook.  From an article in Psychology Today, psychology professor from the University of Illinois Alejandro Lleras says, "The way you think is affected by your body and, in fact, we can use our bodies to help us think."

Moving your body also alters your breathing.  Focusing on your breathing can have significant impact on your well-being and stress levels, and even physiological changes like lowering your blood pressure.  According to an article in Forbes, by David DiSalvo, he says that "Controlled breathing sparks brain growth in areas associated with attention and processing of sensory input."  Let's remember this before you need to make a big decision, need fresh ideas for your presentation, or are trying to solve a complex problem with a loved one...movement and altering your breathing will hep get you there!

Shameless gym selfie...btw, don't forget to lift legs!!!

MUSIC
Music is one of the top drivers linked with emotion and feeling.  Think about commercials and movies...every key scene or part is matched with a type of music to evoke drama, excitement, or action.  Music is also linked to memory.  Certain songs or music trigger thoughts, experiences, and people associated with pain or pleasure you felt during the general time period of that song.

Music has been found to be a natural antidepressant that can give a euphoric high similar to some medications.  Music is also a great mood shifter, as well as helps improve judgment by affecting the prefrontal cortex, which manages emotions and impulses.

Music can make you happy (try Pharrell William's "Happy"), pump you up (Journey's "Eye of the Tiger," from the Rocky films), or relax you (check out my Smooth Jams mix on Spotify).  There is just something about playing your jam that just sets the stage to feel gratitude, joy, energy, and optimism.

I  LOVE LeBron AND my Beats wireless head phones - they've transformed my workout experience.

MOVE. BREATH. THINK. DOMINATE. REPEAT.
Preferably to kick ass music.

The inspiration for most of my ideas that I write about and speak to audiences come from my time alone exercising to music.  I live near a big hill that is 2 miles round trip...I love to get up early or later at night when the kids are in bed and go on a walk/run with my head phones.  I relish this alone time to pray, give thanks to God, and be open to receive infinite wisdom, peace, and clarity.  I use this time to reflect on my goals, and visualize that I already have them.  This activity creates momentum that is hard to explain unless you do it for yourself!    

Here are my 4 key steps to help you change your EMOTION through MOTION and MUSIC:

1. Pick a time in the day to make MOVEMENT a consistent priority - preferably in the morning.  It could be as little as 15 minutes.  Just do something!
2. Movement doesn't have to be complex - find a strategy that works for you and that you enjoy (dancing, pilates, hot yoga, etc.).  I used to belong to a gym just 9 minutes away...I switched a year ago to Tahoma Fitness, which is across the street from my house, which has made all the difference.  If it's not convenient you won't do it.  If you don't belong to a gym, you can always go on a walk or run outside.
3. Pick music that creates feeling and emotion for you - whether you use Pandora, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Apple Music, or iTunes, create a playlist or pick an artist that you LOVE and that gets you going!  Be intentional and strategic with what you listen to...the goal is to inspire, motivate, and move you! 
4. Take time to reflect and visualize - this is where the magic happens.  Step 1: Give thanks.  Step 2: Visualize your goals as if you already have them.  Step 3: Feel the power, confidence, and clarity this act creates.  Just this morning by moving and listening to powerful music (today was Coldplay), I was stirred by gratitude and excitement for what's to come, which lead me to laughter and tears of joy.

Former N.C. State Head Basketball Coach and ESPN analyst Jimmy Valvano once said, "If you can laugh, think, and cry in a day...that's a heck of a day!"  Nothing will help you do this more than combing the powerful combination of movement and music.

Motion with Music will help you get to Jimmy V's big 3: laugh, think, and cry

There is a reason why church's all around the world utilize music and worship at the beginning of each service.  The act of getting out of your seat, lifting your hands, and singing God's praises primes you to receive the message and get's you in the correct state...full of feeling and emotion.  Why not try that technique in your life as well to help tackle problems, seek answers, and get your mind right to handle the challenges of life?  

Enjoy this song from Coldplay that got me GOING this morning!  Thank you for reading...now go attack the day and feel ALIVE through motion and music!

STORIES

"Be careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life." - Proverbs 4:23

Story telling is one of the strongest forms of communication to evoke feeling, emotion, and memories. The best story tellers are usually the best salespeople, tell the funniest jokes, and are able to lead and influence others with the most effectiveness. Did you know that we are telling ourselves a story and narrative about our own self all the time? We have 35,000 automatic thoughts per day. This internal dialogue can be used to conquer any obstacle or make us slaves to self degrading and limiting beliefs.

Let me share a personal example of how your internal story could hurt or help you. For several years, Kendra and I would serve at our church's young adult ministry called UGYP. The lead pastors were our dear friends Chad and Julia Veach. Chad is one of the best communicators and speakers I have ever seen. He now speaks all around the world, has a top selling book called Unreasonable Hope, and he and Julia have a flourishing church in Los Angeles called Zoe LA.

During that time I had a deep fear of public speaking. I'd sit there every Thursday night and tell myself, "I could never do that...I''m not that funny...what would they think of me?..I just don't have that kind of talent." One week, Chad asked me to give the tithes and offering message, but I turned him down. My fear of failure and self identity as being a horrible public speaker kept me from serving and growing in my faith and helping others (I was telling myself the story that I couldn't do it). This is just no way to live.

The man, the myth, the legend, Chad Veach.

A few months had passed and I finally said, "ENOUGH!" I changed my internal narrative and challenged myself to get up on stage and speak. I asked Chad for another opportunity and I got the chance to present in front of the young adult audience. I practiced a 3-4 minute message for maybe 3-4 hours. I did awesome, and that was one of the steps that has lead me to this place...it all starts in the mind!!! I felt more emotion and joy after slaying that dragon, then hitting the game winning hit in the 9th inning at Texas A&M!  If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT!

"The word became flesh and made his home among us." - John 1:14

This verse speaks to me. I'd like to focus on the first four words: THE WORD BECAME FLESH. This is how I interpret that statement...I break it down in two ways. The first is this: God is the word and the word walked the earth and died for our sins in the form of a man, God's son, Jesus Christ. Here's my other interpretation: In the 39 books found in the Old Testament, the word "savior" or "messiah" is mentioned over 100 times. Basically, the prophets, and God's chosen people were forecasting that the savior was coming. They were expectant and by faith believed that the messiah was returning to reign on earth.  Guess what happened, that narrative came true. These believers had certainty and a story that was told and told again...thus they believed and expected it to come true...and it did.  The "word" (our internal dialogue) "becomes flesh" (these words become our reality). 

Is your internal dialogue like Eeyore's or Tigger's 

Sometimes, life is all about asking the right questions. Here is my question to you: What story or narrative have you been telling yourself? As I mentioned earlier, Proverbs 4:23 tells us, "Be careful about what you think. Your thoughts run your life." If you are not where you want to be in life, or if you're in "no man's land" - not happy or sad, just simply living with a pulse, but without passion - it's time to create a new narrative. If you are not reaching your God given potential or are playing reruns of past failures, holding onto guilt, or mistakes, it's time to rewrite your script.

Our world is created by the story we tell ourselves.  

"I'm too old or too young, not talented enough, lack intelligence, don't belong, it's too hard, it's too scary, or they might reject me." Sound familiar? Language is powerful and the most powerful communication is our own self talk. Your thoughts create and manifest whatever you focuses on. Break your old patterns of putting yourself down or saying you don't have what it takes. When you do that, you are living in a broken internal word that becomes physical. ENOUGH! Change your story, change your life! Take a moment and say an affirming statement out loud 5 times...for example: "I got this, I got this, I got this, I got this, I GOT THIS!"

Make this a daily habit. Give yourself words of affirmation to set the stage for having a positive attitude to attack the day. You might be surprised how much better, less anxious, and more excited you'll be to tackle the challenges that life throws at you. This is the first step to write a new story, a new narrative for you. Make this a daily ritual and build off of it. 

Take control of that internal dialogue inside your head. The only thing that can stop you from being fulfilled is you! God is the creator, but you are the author of your life. Start your new story now...one full of abundance, growth, and positive internal dialogue that creates a world filled with significance and fulfillment.

Check out Chad's book Unreasonable Hope - it might be the catalyst to give you hope and change your story.

ALL IN

Being that it is fall and the days are getting colder and shorter, I sometimes remenisc of our times this summer at our good friend Jeff's pool.  Well, technically it's not his pool, its the apartment complex's pool that he lives in.  Kendra created a backstory if we ever got asked why we frequently drive the 'ol minivan through the gated community and unload our kids like ants coming out of an ant pile...she planned on saying she was the nanny.  I mean, she looks young enough...3 kids at 26 years old - I'd believe it.  A lot has changed since we met when she was 18 and I was 27.  Marry them young..."you can train 'em," is what I always say!  Actually she is smarter than me...without question.

Can't beat pool time - especially when its 90!

There at the pool we saw Baylor and Bellamy really explore their confidence swimming.  Baylor just turning 4, was much quicker to get acclimated in the water then Bellamy, who this summer was 2 and half.  However, after seeing her brother swim by himself with his life jacket, I think the benefit of being the youngest showed itself.  Whatever Baylor does, Bellamy wants to do.  Bellamy quickly was brave enough to swim by herself without having Kendra or me holding her...you go girl!

#squad

The pool is coooold, which created an environment to showcase how their personalities are different. Baylor, being the oldest, is more cautious and analytical.  Bella, being the younger sister, is definitely more of a free spirit and willing to take risks..."Whatever Baba can do, I can do!"  We love that she still calls him that...dear God, please let Bellamy stay a little girl forever.  I don't own a gun and the thought of her at 16 drives me to explore my 2nd Amendment rights...and to drink...Fireball anyone?!

So here is the contrast: Baylor being more calculating, has to feel his way into the pool by putting his toe or foot in first.  Sometimes the cold psyches him out of wanting to jump in.  Not Miss Bella.  Once I get in she doesn't have to feel the water first, she just JUMPS IN without a worry or a fear of the cold water.  At the pool, Bellamy is ALL IN and doesn't let the environment dictate her decision...she just goes for it.  This is a trait that I just love about her and actually is inspiring.  You gotta love it when you can learn from your kids.

Winnie is not quite big enough to swim like her brother and sister...next year.

This pool example leads me to this question...How are you living your life?  Are you able to make decisions and go ALL IN or are you doing things with one foot in and one foot out?  Sometimes we just have to JUMP!  Are you waiting for the perfect timing to make a move like asking that one person you like out on a date?  Going for that job you've always dreamt about?  Finally getting the degree you always wanted?  Fixing a broken relationship?  Deciding to go after your passion project?  If you are waiting for your ducks to be in a row, I'm afraid you might be waiting your entire life.

When opportunities arise, we sometimes have self-limiting thoughts that sabotage action...I'm not ready; I'm not good enough, I'll do it next time; I'm not worthy; it will be too hard.  Or the worst...I'll just try, and If I don't like it, I'll quit.  If this is you, STOP DOING THAT!  Timing in life is NEVER PERFECT.  Things don't always work out exactly the way you envisioned right out the gate.

We have an unspeakable power each day...the power to chose.  If you rely on feelings and feelings alone, you will be frozen, timid, and most likely avoid action.  Feelings lie.  Feelings don't tell the whole story.  Ask yourself, what is it that you want and go for it!  Get yourself into the correct state and frame of mind to COMMIT and then ACT.  The key is to commit first, because trust me, you'll get knocked down and fail, but you got to keep going.  Give it all you got, and trust that it will work out in the end.

It's been said that if you have a plan B, you are planning to fail.  There is only one way to enter a pool or face a new opportunity - and that is to go ALL IN with full commitment and faith.

If you want to conquer the island, you got to burn the boats!  There's no going back!

Remember Yoda from Star Wars?  He shared some great wisdom on this topic, "Do or do not.  There is no try."  Learn from Yoda and my kids at the pool...go ALL IN and you'll see a shift in your fulfillment and most importantly, your personal growth...growth in your abilities, satisfaction, and living this precious thing called life to the fullest.

ROOTS

I recently read a fantastic book for leaders, coaches, and parents that explores cultivating winning habits, not just outcomes.  It's called Win in the Locker Room First: The 7 C's to Build a Winning Team in Business, Sports, and Life, by best selling author Jon Gordon and former Atlanta Falcons Head Coach, Mike Smith.  Gordon penned the best seller Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life (which is next on my list) and Smith, who had the second best record in the NFL his first 5 seasons, behind the Patriots legendary coach Bill Belichick.  However after 2 sub-par seasons, the Falcons decided to let him go.  Upon his release, Mike Smith reached out to Gordon to collaborate on what he learned during this humbling experience.  This combination created a must read.

During his tenure in Atlanta, Smith asked Gordon to help him and his players develop strategies to improve their performance by creating what they called the Process.  A Process is mental and physically disciplines done daily...basically, your habits.  If everyone in the organization buys into their process - starting from the top and executed by everyone in the program, then big things will come.

FOCUS ON THE PROCESS, NOT THE PRESSURE OR OUTCOMES.

There were a TON of pearls I gathered from this book, but the one that jumped off the page and stuck to me was this phrase: FOCUS ON THE ROOT, NOT THE FRUIT.

Coach Smith, left. Jon Gordon, right.

Let me give this statement some context.  As I mentioned earlier, Coach Smith had tremendous success during his first 5 seasons at the helm of the Atlanta Falcons, including division championships, playoff wins, and consistency never seen before in Atlanta.  This success reached its peak in the NFC Championship Game in 2012, where they were one play away from going to the Super Bowl.  The loss hurt, it hurt bad.

After coming up just short of going to their second Super Bowl in franchise history, the entire organization, players and coaches felt like the next season would be a failure if they didn't reach the Super Bowl.  But Smith explains, that was where the problems started.  The next season fostered only 7 wins, then 4 wins the following season, which ultimately lead to his firing.  Smith said, we got away from what made us great - focusing on our process and doing the little things every day.  We only focused on one outcome - the Super Bowl - anything less felt like a failure.  This shift of obsessing on being perfect and not focusing on our winning habits, was and is a recipe for disaster.

I believe sports are a microcosm of life - leadership, teamwork, competition, communication, culture, and adversity.  All of these examples have similarities and can crossover to families, businesses, teams, and organizations.  In life and in athletics, many people get seduced by the fruit - the outcomes or results.  This blurred vision is what got Adam and Eve in trouble in the Garden of Eden.

"So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate."  -Genesis 3:6

Where the term "baby mamma drama" was created

We know what happened next...heaven on earth was no more.  Instead of focusing on what God had commanded them to do, Adam and Eve chose to eat from the forbidden fruit and the outcome was catastrophic.

--------------------------

As a sales trainer, I have the pleasure to train and work with new hires and also follow up with them after they have spent time managing their own territories.  The last two reps I visited had concerns that their results where not matching their effort.  Thus, I flew in and worked with them in their geographies for two days.  Though both situations had their differences, both representatives I felt, where focusing too much on the fruit: daily, weekly, and monthly sales numbers.  Instead of the root: winning habits, actions, fundamentals, and sales strategies executed daily.

What are you focusing on?

Before I left, we spent time discussing the power of creating your "Process," executing your process, and most importantly...trusting your process.  I emphasized to stop evaluating yourself only on results (daily statistics)...you'll drive yourself crazy!  I stressed to judge yourself on two things: your growth and effort.  We cannot control events; we cannot control outcomes; we CAN control how we prepare, react, and our effort (mental and physical).

We created a "play sheet" on what actions they would take in specific type of accounts, as well as a list of daily actions (several different techniques specific to our products and marketplace) they would execute each day.  In the end, if they focused on the root - those daily disciplines, and not just numbers - I stressed, the results will come.

I was so excited when one of these reps called me two weeks later at 7:00 o'clock at night to report that he just closed a HUGE account.  He said that he simply applied his process, focused on the strategies we discussed, and didn't worry about the outcome or the pressure.  He said he was in the ZONE, because he had practiced those habits for two weeks, leading up to that call.  I was more proud of that result, then anything I could have accomplished in my territory.

Training Deanna, awesome new hire from New Orleans  

How can you apply this approach in your life?..To focus on the root, not the fruit.  What mindset do you currently have? If you want to lose weight, stop weighing yourself everyday!  Instead, create your process and habits you will do daily to achieve your goal.  You want to improve your marriage?...what daily actions must you do to make this relationship rewarding and fulfilling for the both of you?  You want to improve your performance at work?  Have a mentor or manager help you create your PROCESS - daily mental and physical disciplines.  Do these actions each day, trust them, and have the PATIENCE to see them through.  Do this and watch your satisfaction and results TAKE OFF!

You can do it!  Just a minor shift in your mindset is all it takes.  Commit to it and go for it!  The grass and the root is greener and healthier where you water it...not on the other side...looking at outcomes alone!  Nurture, protect, and feed your roots - daily actions and habits.  If you do that, I see a bountiful future on your horizon.

FEELINGS NOT FACTS

I've made an observation recently.  I've come to the realization that what motivates people to ACT, BUY, and DO is not logic; its not numbers; its not even money.  It actually comes down to one simple thing - our feelings.  Emotion and Imagination beat Logic every day of the week.  You've probably heard the saying that people don't remember what you said, but how you made them feel...I'm going to explore this topic a little bit.

Let's face it, we all in one way or another are in a sales role.  Selling our kids to clean up or finish their food.  Convincing your significant other to go with your color choice when painting the kitchen, not theirs.  Pulling a Jedi Mind Trick on your best friend to meet at your favorite spot versus theirs.  Teachers, lawyers, parents, leaders, coaches, businesses, siblings, friends are all selling something: an idea, service, preference, product, or dream.

The art of the COMPLEX Sell: selling an idea to your kids

Studies show that people rely on emotions, rather than information, to make decisions.  Douglas Van Praet, author of Unconscious Branding: How Neuroscience Can Empower (and inspire) Marketing offers his opinion, "The most startling truth is we don't even think our way to logical solutions.  We feel our way to reason.  Emotions don't hinder decisions.  They constitute the foundation on which they're made!"

I was first exposed to this feeling trumps facts theory while listening to a Tony Robbins (life and business strategist) video on YouTube several months ago.  Tony was telling a story about a conversation he had with Steve Wynn, business man, art collector, and well known luxury casino and hotel owner.  Steve, the creator of the Wynn hotel in Vegas, told the story on how he built the most expensive hotels in the world, and kept his prices high, because he wanted to make people feel SIGNIFICANT...even during the Recession in 2008 and 2009 when his competitors were shrinking, he went bigger, grander, and added more value.  All to enhance feelings and significance.  He even built a new hotel at the peak of the economic downturn and his goal was simple, it was to add more value...he even raised his prices!  He created the most beautiful, unique, and awesome experience, so people would feel special, important, and like royalty.  This strategy paid off - in a big way.  So remember this:

People don't purchase products, they purchase feelings.

People don't acquire things, they acquire states.

People don't buy stuff, they buy identities.

Have you ever been in a relationship and either you or the person you were dating wanted to break up?  Whether your romance was relatively new or you had been together for a long time, someone had to try to explain why they didn't want to continue the relationship.  This was always my biggest fear and least favorite thing in the world...breaking up with someone.  I absolutely HATED IT, more than anything.  Well, on a few occasions, I'd hear the girl on the other end, try to explain in great detail, all the rational reasons and facts why we should be together: we have a lot in common, we share the same interests, we like the same activities, our values are aligned.  Yes, all those things are true, but I JUST DON'T FEEL IT!  I probably cried more then they did when I left, but I knew it had to get done. I would then, ponder the points interjected, which all rationally made sense, but:

WHEN IS LOVE RATIONALE? 

My biggest fear during my single days: having "the talk"

The fact is, love, feelings, and emotions are not rationale...sometimes they don't even make sense!  But emotion and feelings are what drive action.

So here is the money question, how do we tap into these so called feelings that are so important?  Here is my 3 phase approach to evoke feelings and not simply rely on facts to get what you want:

PHASE I - 1st Impression

• Confidence: Confidence and self-believe are very attractive qualities that lead people to follow.
• Humility: Confidence mixed with being humble is a strong combination.  Humility draws people in and allows others to put their guard down.
• Sincerity: Being sincere creates trust.  Trust creates dialogue.  Dialogue creates relationships.  Solid relationships are the foundation of what selling an idea is all about.

PHASE II - Tell a Story

• Make the status quo unsafe: How can you prove that what they are currently doing or want to do is not the best way?  This is where you generate an unmet need or a pain point.
• Make them smarter: Knowledge is power.  Teaching somebody something they do not know that can help them creates a feeling and emotion - whether it's information on the marketplace, their own environment, competition, or how other's are succeeding or failing - intellegient information is always a premium. 
• Offer a different solution: Provide a solution to make their next move a productive one that is different than what they are currently doing (or have been offered by someone else).

PHASE III - Motives Matter

• It's all about YOU not me: Make the other person the center of the story, not you.
• Bring the VALUE you promised: In the end, its all about value.  Whoever brings the most value wins.  You need to deliver on what you said you were going to do.
• Prove you CARE, then CLOSE: Make caring a competitive advantage.  Care through Internal Investment then show it through External Execution.  When you have done this, you've earned the right to ask for what you want...when these steps have taken place, closing is easy.

In summary, life is all about FEELINGS!  The rational argument doesn't always win.  Emotion, imagination, and feeling trump all.  Your first impression is what draws people in, but your content keeps them engaged.  Remember to carry yourself with confidence, humility, and sincerity...those are all quality traits that establish credibility and trust.  

Tell a story, don't rattle off stats and facts.  Jesus spoke in parables for a reason.  People connect with a story, not just info.  Stories stick.  Make sure your story has danger or a threat, educational information that makes the other person smarter, and a unique solution that solves the problem.  

Lastly, make the customer or person you are talking to be the focal point and main character of your story (HINT: the protagonist should not be you, but the other person!).  Always bring value in what you are offering and be different by sincerely caring for all parties involved.  If money is your only motive, if YOU are your only motive...your results will be short lived.  When your motives align with service, value, and fulfilling the other person's needs first, you will win in the long term.

Give this approach a try!  If you do, your outcomes will improve...I CAN FEEL IT!!!

ALIVE

If you read my last post, I mentioned that I hosted a candidate on a "ride along" last Friday.  As these work trips usually go, the potential employee usually asks questions about the role, trying to gain nuggets on the products, insights on customer concerns, and what the day to day looks like.  Often these individuals are jotting down notes into their journals (they better be!), formulating a plan to knock out their final interview, while putting their best foot forward in hopes that I sing their praises to the hiring manager.

On this particular day, at least for most of it, it went as usual...visiting accounts, doing my thing, answering questions, explaining the industry, etc. etc.  But this time, the candidate, let's call her Stacy asked me a great question.  She asked, "If there is one thing I need to know...one piece of advice you can give me to crush this job, what is it?"

I thought about it for a second, while driving past the old battle ships nestled in the waters of Bremerton, Washington.  I pondered the question, thinking of the right response that would genuinely help her.  The standard answer would be to set goals, create a solid plan and execute, work really hard, bring value, and ask for the business.  Deep down I felt that response would be just like those old war vessels...rusty and out dated.

Well for some reason that day was different.  For those of you who have been following my blog have witnessed a dramatic shift in my mindset that I'm trying to share.  This blog has fostered an intellectual journey that has been one of the most transformational forces in my life.  It has taught me a powerful emotion called humility.  The process of sharing my thoughts, research, opinions, and strategies has been truly rewarding.  I have learned that I don't have to create, just document my journey.  Using concepts from Carol Dweck's book, Mindset: A New Psychology of Success, I'm working on developing a growth mindset - focusing on the process, learning, and growing - not simply on outcomes and the black and whiteness of wins an losses.  For most of my life I was living in a fixed mindset - gaining my self worth and validation on proving that I was good enough - to myself and others.

Trust me, I'm still a work in progress, but this time, when asked for advice on succeeding, I wanted to share something different.  I simply told Stacy:

Just know that you are alive
YOU ARE ALIVE!

To the average innocent bystander, one would think, man this dude is corny and definitely on the cheesy side.  You know what, I really don't care.  I wanted her to know and you to know that you are ALIVE!  Take advantage of this precious gift of having the freedom of being present, here alive today.  To think.  To act and do whatever it is that you want.   

Most people wake up each day and take for granted all the possibilities being alive has to offer...seriously.  Why do people wait to go through a traumatic event or threat of loss to truly appreciate how insanely lucky we are to experience just a single day and all the possibilities and wonders each day brings...especially in the mundane things that aren't given a second thought once they've passed?  Don't make a loss make you finally live. 

Kendra and my WORLD.

We take for granted the small things...which really are the BEST THINGS.  Get ready for my random list of examples: 

Hearing a child's laughter; going on a walk and feeling the wind in your face; a grilled cheese sandwich with bacon (what can I say, I love cheese...and bacon for that matter); going to the movies, reading a good book; smelling a scent that takes you back; experiencing the sunrise on a morning run; waking up on a Saturday morning to College Gameday; picking raspberries with your kids; physical touch from a loved one...the list can go on and on. 

How would you live your life if you knew you only had 6 months to live?  Would that change how you thought, acted, lived and loved?  What would you appreciate more if you just got out of jail after being locked up for 20 years?  I had the opportunity to play softball a few years ago against federal inmates and spoke to one of my former classmates who had 10 more years to serve.  Wow, the freedoms we have if you change your lens are so immense and beautiful, but are we living with that perspective and gratitude?

Living today, right now, I truly feel blessed...blessed and trying to do as much as I can while I'm here.  Sometimes I feel like John Mayer when he sings in his song, "Stop This Train"...so I play the numbers game, to find a way to say my life has just begun. If I do the math, I have about 64% of life left...and that's if I live to be 100. This is a long winded way of telling the candidate in my car, to you, and to remind myself that if you are reading this:

YOU ARE ALIVE, 
BUT ARE YOU TRULY LIVING?

We only get ONE SHOT at life.  This is me pleading with you (and to myself) to do a few things right now:

• Love more, judge less

• Laugh at yourself, not at others

• Cry tears of joy
• Think daily and independently 

• See beauty in all things

• Find gratitude in even hardships and set backs

• Ask yourself this question at the end of each day, "How many people did I help?"

• Know that you are only limited by your thoughts

• You can do and be anything you want - it all starts and ends in your mind

• Be generous

• Forgiveness transcends
• Know these words and use them often: Please and Thank you

• Fight the battle ahead, not the one behind you

• Plan for the future, but be present today

• Lastly, believe in yourself. You are special. You are a miracle. Since you are a miracle, make and recognize mini miracles daily. 

• Oh, and know that God loves you just the way you are, so just be yourself. 

Live the life you dream about.  Do not wait for an event to cause this.  Make this powerful choice now.

Happiness is not about money, but moments.  Fulfillment isn't found in status, but service.  Joy is not achieved by acquiring things, but in harnessing the power of thankfulness.  This approach is my best practice. This is my advice. I hope that you and Stacy from my ride along takes it, run with it, and never look back.